Registering a UK car in France is a one-step, straight forward, inexpensive process!

Yes, you're absolutely right, of course. 

I'm lying.

Firstly, if I would like to take my Mistubishi Shogun to come and live in France with me, I must obtain a Certificate of Conformity. This is often just a matter of contacting the manufacturer and asking politely for this piece of paper, and they send it to you, free of charge, within a week. If you own a Ford, this can be true. If you own a Mercedes, the CoC (Yes, that's what I'm calling it, in true James May fashion...) comes with the owner's manual. So, what is the arrangement with Mitsubishi UK? Samantha says I must fill in a form, pay her £120, and wait three weeks for the bit of paper. She says that the £120 is the administration fee. What are they doing? Getting Alexander McQueen (yes, I know he's no longer with us, but his minions squirrel on) to gold-leaf it and stud it with jewels? I'm making Samantha wait. I can't bring myself to send off the money. In fact, what I'm actually doing is hoping that the rules change really soon, so I will only need the log book. But, as a 'French resident', I have just one month in which to complete the entire mission.

If I do eventually submit to Samantha, I will have completed merely one centimetre of the one kilometre endurance race. The next step is to have the headlights replaced with French-facing ones. This must be carried out at an approved garage in France, and costs anything up to 800 Euros. After that, I need to obtain a French MOT, known as a Controle Technique, which costs around 70 Euros. I must also submit to the garage a stack of documents: passport, CoC, utility bill, insurance documentation and log book before they will even consider issuing a CT certificate.

When all of this is achieved, I must present myself and my documentation at the local Centre des Impots. They will want to know my mileage. (No, I don't know why!) If all is in order, they will issue me with a Quitus Fiscal, which shows that there is no outstanding duty to pay on the car. At this stage I am supposed to produce the original invoice from when I purchased the car. I don't have this. I just gave the money to the nice man and lady. The Centre des Impots would like to know their names and address and how much I paid. I am informed that I must take five photocopies of everything with me.

Are you still there? Well done.

The next part of the mission, should I choose to still be alive, is to take everything to the local Prefecture to make the registration and obtain the holy grail that is the Carte Grise. But it's not simple. There is a form I have to fill in, the Demande de Certificat d'Immatriculation R13567. And I must pay some tax. Depending on my emissions (They're quite toxic, I can assure you!) that could be anything between 200 Euros and 3000 Euros. If I am lucky, I may receive a provisional registration certificate at this stage. If I am unlucky, they will say, 'non' and send me away. It may be that the Carte Grise will arrive in the post several weeks later, or it could actually transpire that the car will have to go back to the UK to be sold. And then I'd have to buy a Citroen.

Let's assume I'm allowed a Carte Grise... Now I am in a position to purchase my new French plates! I must take all of my documentation (in a wheel barrow!) to the garage, and, for a fee, they will create and fit my new plates. This will make me 100% French.

Oh, but it's not over yet! 

I must now go back to the garage that did my French MOT. They will alter the Control Technique certificate to show my new French registration. This might be free of charge! My insurance documents must now be updated to show the new registration. My English insurance is valid for up to 6 months, but then I will be required to obtain French insurance. The new insurance company will send me a little green card to be placed inside my windscreen. There is no road tax in France, so I won't need to worry about that.

What I'd really like to happen now is for someone in the know to assure me that this will feel far more straight forward than it seems. Or that it's not true. I want to know now that I will go an to enjoy years of uncomplicated motoring in France! 

The following little question and answer extract from French Property Links does not fill me with confidence:

A question about cancelling car insurance (added 15/10/09)...

Hi - I was wondering if you could help me out with the situation at hand, with regards to a car I purchased in France. I bought the car in France over one year ago now and moved to the UK where I now reside. About seven months ago my French car broke down, about three weeks after being here and it was a huge amount of money to fix so I didn't bother. The car was then towed away which I have got proof of from RACV that it got towed back to my home and they suggested I sold it for scrap metal. But I don't have a document to say that. I signed the person's document and we made agreement that he had full ownership and both signed the A4 piece of paper which we both signed on the 12th of April. 

The car is most likely scrap metal as it was undrivable and could not be taken back to French soil. Now my French insurance company is saying they won't cancel the insurance policy. They are expecting me to pay for a car I don't have anymore. Which I think is outrageous seeing as I don't even live there anymore and will not be returning. I've sent them proof of the sale and the towing and how it was bought. 

Can't they just track the number plate and see where it was last and they will find out it's no longer in France and insured. And if the car is not in France why would I need to pay for it? Can you explain what I can do?

Jo Rhodes, editor of French Property Links replies...

Thanks for contacting us. I have been in touch with my colleague who lives in France who says that this sort of thing is so typical. She says French insurance companies won't cancel policies unless you can provide buckets of paperwork. 

You don't say exactly what is needed by the insurance company to cancel your policy with them, but I assume it is the details of the scrappage. Could you not contact the person who took it off your hands and get this from them? Or get a bill of sale sorted between you if this is needed? 

Or what about just cancelling further payments from your bank? That would be the easiest option if you are paying on a monthly basis. Although if you have paid in full and are seeking a refund from the insurance company, this obviously won't apply. 

I'm afraid that is all the advice we can offer from here, but wish you luck in sorting it all out.